


la última parada (te prometo)

by kanjioo (erre)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, EXO debuts without kris a/u, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex-EXO, F/M, LJ repost, M/M, Model!Kris, Not Canon Compliant, Parallel Universes, Smoking, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 21:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7008682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erre/pseuds/kanjioo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between smoke breaks and girlfriends, Yixing leaves Yifan behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	la última parada (te prometo)

**Author's Note:**

> Parallel universe where Kris never debuts with EXO. i'm having belated separation angst. (by coincidence, the lyrics of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK0tfKKvHBI) beautiful song match really well with the story)
> 
> originally published 1/21/15 @LJ

Everything is cast in purple and orange as the sun sets in Seoul. The wind flies over the city to ruffle Yifan's dyed-to-hell blonde hair with a gentle hand, smoke flying away in a flattened stream out of his mouth. Yifan glances over.  
  
"You want to try?" He offers. The cigarette looks like a stub in Yifan's hands.  
  
Yixing grimaces and turns away. "I shouldn't even be here right now."  
  
"Wow. You hate me that much?"  
  
A curl of distaste lingers on his face, but a smile breaks through. Yixing squints into the horizon. "Smoking is really bad for you, you know?"  
  
Yifan shrugs. "Too much of anything is bad."  
  
"Oh, really?" Yixing mocks, throwing his arms over the railing. "This ge _really_ knows his stuff, huh?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
Yifan holds his cigarette between his lips and watches Yixing watching him back.  
  
"Cancer-causing." Yixing tsks. He looks tired, yet relaxed.  
  
"You're always telling me to eat this or boil that to improve my stamina. I’ll survive."  
  
"Seriously though, those work! My mother speaks no lies."  
  
Yifan savors the smoke as he exhales. He rolls the stick between his fingers for a moment before he breathes out again, lungs clean, and drops it next to his foot.  
  
" _What_?" Yixing straightens. "It's only been a few minutes."  
  
"You said cancer." Yifan says. He rubs the toe of his sneaker into the cement and imagines the sound of the tobacco being ground to dust. "It's my last one."  
  
"You're welcome?" Yixing reaches over to pat his shoulder. "You really didn't have to put it out."  
  
Yifan arcs his head back until he feels like he's falling in reverse into the atmosphere. "I mean it's my last one. Ever."  
  
"...Really?"  
  
"Yeah." Yifan stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets, barely deep enough to hold his fingers, and rocks back on his heels. It's gotten dark really fast. He can barely see the depths of Yixing's eyes now; they're dimly glistening, washed out in denim blue.  
  
"I guess I won't see you again then." No smoke breaks, no excuses.  
  
(Yifan can’t say why he likes talking with Yixing so much when it’s just the two of them either, high up and away from civilization. They’re not actually that close. When it matters, Yixing is always with Luhan, even though Luhan had only been added to the group last year.)  
  
"I guess not."  
  
Yixing sighs. His voice hangs onto the end of it, and he turns it into a lopsided tune.  
  
In spite of himself, Yifan stumbles closer and drapes an arm around Yixing’s thin shoulders.  
  
"I'm kidding. I'll find another bad habit, don't worry."  
  
"Worry what?" Yixing sing-songs. But Yifan can pretend he leans a little closer.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
EXO debuts. Yifan gets his first modeling gig.  
  
He doesn't expect to talk to Yixing again, but a few odd jobs later he finds himself wandering around in Gangnam with nothing to do. He hails a taxi to Cheongdam, and sends a text. Yixing calls him back.  
  
" _Ge! This is a surprise._ " Some part of Yifan had thought Yixing would be changed, but a pang of nostalgia hits Yifan upon hearing his voice.  
  
"I'm in Seoul. You want to catch up?"  
  
Yifan can hear Yixing panting on the other end. " _We're practicing right now. I'm free after seven._ "  
  
"Haha, okay, hotshot. Where do I meet you?"  
  
"I'll call you, I have to go. See you later!"  
  
"Okay." Yifan manages, after the line dies. He spends a few hours shopping down Apgujeong-ro, but he's too antsy to pay attention to any of the clothing. He's halfway through his coffee at a small café when his phone rings.  
  
Yifan picks up. "Do you not text or something?"  
  
" _A voice makes words come alive. So what's up? Is Fan-ge going to treat me to dinner?_ "  
  
"You make more than me." Yifan scoffs. He drains his cup and nods to the working barista on his way out. "Uh... I have an idea. Do you mind takeout?"  
  
  
  
  
  
An hour and a half later, Yixing makes his leisurely way to Yifan's spot on the bridge.  
  
Yifan hands him his box of food. "You walk like an old man."  
  
"Oh. Thanks." Yixing chuckles, breaking apart his chopsticks. "Wah, looks good."  
  
"I just picked whatever."  
  
"Whatever is good." Yixing licks his lips and Yifan laughs.  
  
"Are they starving you or something?"  
  
"We haven't had time to sit down and eat. Too busy."  
  
Yifan leans back on his hands. The surface of the Han ripples before them. "Before you leave, take a picture with me."  
  
"Huh?" Yixing says, covering his mouth when rice falls out of it. "Why?"  
  
"So I can post it on Weibo."  
  
"Why?" Yixing asks again.  
  
"I need to borrow some of your star power. I have no job."  
  
"Oh. Ask Luhan. He's one of the five male gods in China or something."  
  
Yifan stares at him. "Luhan's not here right now."  
  
"Really?" Yixing's eyes widen cartoonishly as he looks over his shoulder, still chewing, chewing, chewing. "Well. I guess you'll have to do with me then."  
  
They don't say much after that. After the food is gone, Yixing tells Yifan a few stories about dorming together and what jokes the members play on each other when they're not too grumpy to have a sense of humor. Yixing tries to curve some questions back Yifan's way, and in order to fill the space, Yifan mentions vaguely about trying to find an agent.  
  
He doesn't mention acting, and definitely not maybe-singing. If he did, Yixing would wonder why Yifan chose to leave SM in the first place, and Yifan wouldn't be able to answer him.  
  
Clearly, there's a part of Yifan that has yet to cut ties.  
  
"One... two... three." Yifan tilts his phone screen so they can both see. The bridge lights color their faces too orange, but otherwise, the photo is nothing too embarrassing.  
  
"Are you really planning on posting it?" Yifan can feel Yixing's body heat as he bends his head towards Yifan's phone. Yixing is wearing a thin zip-up and an even thinner scrap of cloth underneath that flutters over his chest whenever a breeze hits. It's a fairly cool spring evening, but Yixing radiates heat like a furnace. It shivers over Yifan's skin.  
  
"Yeah. You're okay with it, right?"  
  
"It's fine." Yixing pats his arm. "Heh, being seen with you will probably make _me_ more popular."  
  
"Probably." Yifan snorts.  
  
(He never gets around to posting it.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The door to the rooftop bangs open. Yifan jerks around.  
  
Yixing looks tired. Even more than when they were trainees, than that time Yifan met up with him and a few other members when EXO's tour had a stop in Guangzhou. Yixing is the most focused person Yifan’s ever met; from his inflexible honor to his life goals, he has never wavered an inch. It’s disconcerting to see him so… beaten down.  
  
Yifan pulls his arms off the railing and gives Yixing some space as he stalks over.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm late. The award thing ran late."  
  
"Don't worry about it." Yifan says. He waits a beat. "Is everything alright?"  
  
"It's nothing. The members are just idiots sometimes."  
  
Yifan toes the six-pack he brought with him a bit further into the shadows. He opens his mouth against better judgement. "Are you sure it’s nothing? The tabloids lately-”  
  
Yixing's face darkens. “I don’t really want to talk about that.”  
  
“Fine.” Yifan’s the best at not talking about things. He bends down and snatches a beer, tapping the cold can against Yixing’s bicep. He’s covered from head to toe in black to fight the weather (and avoid the fans), and Yifan can’t help but wonder whether he’s lost any weight. He can’t tell with all the wool.  
  
Yixing avoids eye contact and accepts his offering. “Why can’t we meet up for drinks like normal people do?" He breathes out in a cloud. "It's so cold."  
  
"Do you want to?"  
  
"No." Yixing winces at the first sip, and scoffs humorlessly. It's a sad sound. "I kind of... don't want to see other people right now."  
  
The city shimmers beneath them. Cars are honking. People are moving around, even if it's out of their sight. "So I'm not a person."  
  
"Wu Yifan is a robot!" Yixing proclaims loudly, one hand cupped around his mouth. His arm falls afterward to hang over the railing, and he slouches, pouting into the lip of his beer.  
  
Yifan kind of wants to -  
  
"If you're tired, you should go home." ( _But stay._ ) "Don't catch a cold."  
  
"I'd rather hang out with a robot than go back to the hotel. Jongin's really happy about the win."  
  
"You guys won? Congratulations."  
  
"A popularity award. Unbelievable. How are we still popular?"  
  
"Visuals? Catchy songs?" With each word, the furrow in Yixing's brow grows deeper. Yifan doesn't understand why he's upset.  
  
Yixing shakes his head. "We're tearing each other apart, you know?"  
  
"I thought you said you guys were close."  
  
There's a moment of frightening stillness. "Do you know the kinds of things Yuanzheng said after Luhan left?"  
  
"That's why I left before it started." Yifan pulls his coat tighter around his body. He can't feel the tips of his nose and fingers. "It's better that Luhan wasn't there to hear it."  
  
Yixing doesn't speak. He tosses back the rest of his drink and sets the empty can neatly down beside his right foot; he stays crouched there, the biting wind whipping his styled hair askew. After some time, he turns to sit with his back against the metal railing.  
  
Yifan crosses his arms and searches Yixing's face.  
  
"Thanks for the drink." Yixing sighs, looking boneless and sleepy. The corner of his mouth is quirked, but it's not a smile. More like a memory.  
  
"What? That's all?"  
  
Yixing rubs his nose. "Please sit down. I can't see you when you're standing up."  
  
"This is dry clean." Yifan pats his suit pants.  
  
Nevertheless, he checks the rooftop as carefully as he can in the darkness before sitting down gingerly so they're face-to-face, Yifan crossing his ankles by Yixing's hip.  
  
"Haaah, Fan-ge, you're too great." A floppy hand pats Yifan's shin. "Really. I admire you."  
  
"Thanks?" Yifan feels his phone buzz through his coat pocket; hopefully, it's a response from Lifen letting him know she's okay for dinner next week. He'll check later though, after Yixing returns to his public life. This is their private time now, in which Yixing gets to show how chalky and skeletal his hand looks against the blackness of Yifan's pants.  
  
"You always know the right way to think." Yixing murmurs. His head falls back and his eyelids sink lower and lower, lips pressing into a tight line. He doesn't look twenty-three.  
  
_Aren't you the one who knows everything?_ Yifan thinks, but he has nothing to say, so he pats Yixing's bony knee and keeps him company as he dreams.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It's exactly noon in Beijing when Yixing pours Yifan tea and says, "I think I want to get married."  
  
The brutal heat outside must've had lasting effects because Yifan's vision actually whites out for a moment; his hand jerks around his teacup and he forgets where he is. The center of his being feels disjointed from the outside, like he'd just been dragged through a wormhole and this is just a memory he'd lived through before. He blinks.  
  
"Oh. When?"  
  
Yixing leans over their table-for-two to peer at Yifan's face and laughs airily at what he sees. "You're funny today. Are you okay?"  
  
"What? I'm fine. And I'm always this funny." Yifan swirls his tea - _Chrysanthemum_ , he thinks. _Helps with heat stroke._ His hurried sip of it scalds his tongue.  
  
"Be careful." Yixing is still cheerfully dimpled as he hands a choking Yifan a napkin. "Are you really okay?"  
  
Yifan waves a dismissive hand, muffling his coughs. He looks out the glass window over the capital city; it's a different feel than when they're on a rooftop. This restaurant is too fancy and too comfortable.  
  
"You said you want to get married?"  
  
"Well. Yeah." Yifan faces forward again to see Yixing's mouth twist. "I'm almost twenty-eight. My parents and grandparents are getting old."  
  
"I guess I should get settled down too then. I'm already twenty-nine."  
  
"Doesn't Fan-ge have more hearts to break?" Yixing smirks.  
  
"You make me feel old."  
  
Yixing refills his teacup the moment Yifan sets it down. "I'm just this way because I think it's time. It can't... If I wait any longer, it's going to be too late."  
  
"I want my mom taken care of, too." Yifan pauses until the waiter is done setting down their order. "But you really think it's getting late for you? What does that make me?"  
  
"Ge, I'm just saying." Yixing folds his hands on the table, so calm, so mature. His gaze doesn't waver. "We're both only sons. You get that. I just want to do what an only son should do."  
  
Yifan really doesn't want to talk about it, but he can't stop. "Don't you ever... like isn't that... _Marriage_..." He exhales through his nose. "When do you even have time for girlfriends?"  
  
"I should start looking again, is what I'm saying." Yixing chews thoughtfully.  
  
"You haven't had one? Since...?"  
  
"It's been a long time. But I can't put it off forever. Especially since we have to fit well."  
  
"...You're not kidding."  
  
"Seriously. I'm serious. It's time, ge."  
  
"I... don't..." Yifan drops his chopsticks and rakes a hand through his sweat-dried hair. For the first time in a long time, he itches for a cigarette. He studies a wayward sauce stain on his plate, and a sudden, unexplainable hollowness makes itself known within Yifan. "You're really something." He hears himself say.  
  
(That's right. Perfect Yixing, who has to be the best: dancer, singer, idol and son; who cares too much about doing right to remember what's left; who is so good, he burns out your sins, scorches you clean of things you'd only ever thought of doing.)  
  
"I always try to be." Yixing says sagely. He fills Yifan's cup again.  
  
Yifan raises it. "To finding your other half."  
  
Yixing's lips curl softly over the clink of porcelain. "Thanks. I hope you... make it big in Hollywood? Stay healthy and happy. Your mother, too. Oh, and find a beautiful girlfriend, but that's no big deal for Fan-ge."  
  
"You know me best." Yifan downs his tea in one go.  
  
  
  
  
  
(He smiles at you, and like a heaven's blessing, you are forgiven.)


End file.
